Getting into Heavan

A Sunday school teacher tests her class to find out if they understood her lesson about how to get to heaven.

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" she asks the kids.

"No!" they answer.

"And if I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawn and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

"No!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals, gave sweeties to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"

"No!"

Bursting with pride at how well her class understood her lesson, she continues, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A six year-old boy at the back shouts, "You've got to be dead!"

YOU - Dec. 2009

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Clean Golf

Taking advantage of a balmy day four priests decide to go down to the golf club and play a round of golf.

After several really horrible shots, their caddy asks, "Are you guys priests?"

"Yes, we are," one replies. "How did you know?"

"I've never seen such bad golf go together with such clean language!"

YOU - March 2010

New Capital

Before he goes to sleep a little boy prays New York City will be made the capital of America overnight.

"Why are you praying for that?" his mom asks.

"That's the answer I gave in my geography exam."

YOU

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Heavan's Entrance Exam

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St Peter tells him: "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. Tell me all the good things you've done and I'll give you a few points for each, depending on how good they were. When you reach 100 points you get in."

"Okay," the man says. "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her."

"That's wonderful!" St Peter says. "That's worth three points."
"Only three points?" the man asks.

"Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my money and dedication."

"Terrific!" St Peter says. "That's certainly worth a point."

"Only one point? Well, I started a soup kitchen in a needy community and did building maintenance in a shelter for orphans."

"Fantastic! That's good for two more points."

"Is that all? At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is through the grace of God."

"Bingo - 100 points! Come on in!"

YOU